Couples Therapy
Understanding the cycle beneath the conflict.
Most couples don’t arrive in therapy because they’ve stopped loving each other. They arrive because they’re stuck in patterns they no longer know how to interrupt.
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The same argument on repeat. The emotional distance that’s grown quietly over years. The feeling of being alone — even in the same room.
That’s exactly where this work begins.
What’s really driving it.
Beneath most couples’ conflict are three questions that neither partner may be asking out loud:
When the answer to any of these feels uncertain, the nervous system responds. One person reaches — with anger, criticism, or pursuit. The other withdraws — with silence, distance, or shutdown. Both feel alone. Both are trying to protect something. And the cycle continues.
Most couples think they need to learn how to argue better — to communicate more clearly, compromise more fairly. What the research shows is something different: the heart of the matter isn’t the argument. It’s the attachment bond underneath it.
Why couples fights feel so disproportionately intense.
When we lose connection from the people we love most, our brains register danger. Isolation and abandonment trigger what Sue Johnson calls “primal panic” — a fear response wired into us by millions of years of evolution. This is why it’s not about the dishes. It’s about survival.
The goal isn’t independence from each other. It’s what Johnson calls “effective dependency” — the ability to turn to each other as a safe haven when life is too much, and a secure base from which to go confidently out into the world.
“Lovers are regulators of each other’s physiology and emotional functioning. Each partner holds the key to unlock the other’s pain and loneliness. Emotional presence is the solution.”Dr. Sue Johnson · Developer of EFT
These cycles have an underlying structure. Once you understand it, you can interrupt it.
Whatever brought you here — it’s more common than you think.
- Recurring arguments that never fully resolve
- Emotional distance that’s grown over years
- The feeling of talking past each other even when you’re both trying
- Life got busy and somewhere along the way you lost the connection
- The kids have left and you’re not sure you still know each other
- A specific rupture — a betrayal, a crisis, a turning point
- Not sure whether to stay or go, and needing an honest space to figure it out
How I work with couples.
I draw primarily on Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), developed by Sue Johnson — one of the most thoroughly researched approaches to couples work available. EFT helps partners understand the deeper emotional needs and attachment patterns driving their conflict — moving toward emotion rather than away from it.
The goal is to interrupt the negative cycle, rebuild trust, and help couples reach for each other in new and more vulnerable ways. I also draw on Relational Life Therapy — Terry Real’s approach to the patterns men and women bring from their families of origin into their relationships.
How it works.
Reach out
Send me a brief email — either one of you can make the first contact. Just mention whether you’re looking for in-person or virtual sessions.
We talk
A brief confidential phone chat — a chance to tell me what’s happening and to ask anything you’d like about how I work. There’s no charge.
We begin — together
Sessions are 50–75 minutes, typically weekly or bi-weekly. Both partners attend together unless we’ve agreed otherwise.
The practical details.
Location
In-person sessions in Midtown Toronto, near Eglinton & Avenue Rd. Virtual sessions available Ontario-wide via secure video.
Sessions
50–75 minutes, typically weekly or bi-weekly. Both partners attend together unless we’ve agreed otherwise.
Fees
Fees are discussed during the initial consult. Many extended health benefit plans cover registered psychotherapy — worth checking before we meet.
The distance between you didn’t happen overnight. Neither does closing it.
But it starts with a conversation. The first one is free — no commitment, just a chance to see if this feels like the right fit.